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 4.15.2003
I'm debating about whether my blog is really therapeutic for me or not. Like I always think my webjournal is a good way for me to vent when stuff is fresh in my mind and stuff. But now I'm thinking that maybe it locks me into the one mindset that I wrote about and doesn't let me consider any other points of view--I think I might be convincing myself that my gut reaction is always the right one, when in fact, that's probably not the case. Not sure if that makes any sense to anyone but me, but...it's MY apparently useless journal anyways, I guess.
Also, upon re-reading yesterday's entry, I have these two clarifications to make:
1. The quote at the end about the "stupid ho" was supposed to be referring to me, not the Hoochie Mama. That really wasn't very clear, I guess. I meant this: I am nuthin' but a stupid ho sometimes. I don't even know her, so that would be really rude for me to say that about her. Not that I haven't said that about her at one time or another, but...I should at least make an effort to be nice, I think.
2. I'm getting more and more convinced that everything that happens (or doesn't happen) between me and the DB is like 2% his fault for just being a regular ol' boy, and 98% my fault. Cuz I have all these expectations, frustrations, and drama that no one person could possibly fix or even fully understand. He might not always treat me the way I wish he would, but I certainly don't treat him very fairly, at times, either. So grr to me.
How can a day seem like it's going so well, and then just nose dive? Just another one of the umteen pleasures of being me.
3:33 AM
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My Grey Area 