3.13.2003

 

So far my Blog fans have heard nothing of my older brother, Ben, aka Milton "I believe you have my stapler" Waddams. So, in order to level the playing field and involve more of the Broman family in my life's cast of delightfully zany characters, I have selected two of Ben's quotes which I find most enjoyable. I hope you'll do the same. Here they are:

"Sometimes I fall asleep to the sounds of my own screams. Does that mean I'm unhappy?"

"We'd all be better off if SUV's were banned. Not for the SUV's, mind you, but rather the irritating, cell-phone-talking soccer moms who feel as though 4-Wheel Drive allows you to completely ignore ice and snow. Fucking morons. Morons I say."

Ben, I know EXACTLY where you're coming from on both of these issues. I could recommend a great psychiatrist, and perhaps we could do the anger management thing together. Just an idea.

I am utterly depressed today at the realization that I truly have NO MONEY. And true, I'm not a person who needs a lot of cash or spends frivolously, but next year it may be virtually impossible for me to provide myself with food and shelter, let alone leave the house for any sort of social occasion. My recommendation to you is this: Spend as much time with me as possible before May 11. After that, I think I'll be too busy scouring the sidewalks for cigarette butts and discarded Egg McMuffins (which I don't even like) to hang out with any of you. For real.

5:34 PM

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